Day 3, 2:11am, still in the hospital, two days in a row, I’ve been mom’s
care taker in the hospital. I must say
that it’s not an easy task, not because its physically exhausting but more than
anything it’s the emotional battle that a daughter has to face as she sees her
mom suffering and slowly deteriorating.
Mom has advanced / stage 4 cancer, her breast cancer has
already metastasized on her lungs, we all didn’t realize that her chronic cough
and breathlessness was a symptom of her lung condition, we were just alarmed
when it showed in her x-ray that she has fluids in her lungs. Initially, she
was insisting that the doctor said that it was just a mild pneumonia but I was
doubtful, thought that she might have not divulged her medical history to her
doctors. Mom is very independent, she
would rather ask her friends to accompany her than ask us, sadly and
admittedly, I also was very insensitive.
Thursday 3am, mom
told me about her x-ray result, I immediately made my research on the internet
and ask my friend who works as a nurse in Ireland, thank God for technology, I
was able to speak to her through the internet, thank God for the time
difference cause she was still awake when I tried to message her, told her
about mom’s condition and what I read on the net, sadly, she confirmed it –
Pleural Effusion.
Thursday, my brothers and sis in laws coordinated with each
other and decided to bring mom to a hospital near my brother’s house; Thursday
night, my brother fetched her from our Manila home and Friday morning she was
brought to the hospital, went through all the necessary tests and the fluid draining
also started. At 11:28am, I received a
text message regarding mom’s CT Scan result and boom!! I felt the world has
fallen flat on my face, I cried profusely, I didn’t immediately went to the
hospital for I didn’t know how to put up an “okay” face to my mom, I felt my
world has stopped, I was confused, I wanted to immediately drive myself to mom
but my hands were all shaking, actually my whole body was at the same time I
wanted to speak to my dad and convince him to finally end their 11 year rift. I
wanted to pray but I don’t know what to say, I do not want to ask the why question
for I know I do not have the right to do that until I reach to a point that I
was begging on the Lord for a miracle…I also asked the Lord to give me the strength
to speak to my dad but instead of asking for wisdom, I asked Him to speak through
me instead, until God gave me the opportunity to speak to dad….I saw the
concern in his eyes but sadly, he chose to keep his pride. I was really hurt but I just lift his heart
in God’s hands, as far as I am concerned, I did my part as a daughter, I knew I
did what God wanted me to do and I can no longer do anything beyond that…All is
in God’s hands now…..
Being a child of a terminally ill cancer patient is something
that I will never wish to happen even to the people who have hurt me the most.
During the early stages mom’s cancer, I used to think that those who have money
has better advantage but now even if we do not have sufficient funds for
possible treatments that could possibly help extend her life, I realized that
whether a person is rich or poor, it doesn’t matter anymore, the pain and suffering
both the patient and its love-ones will all be just the same, the suffering
when the disease came to its advance stage and when the patient is at a certain
age where chemo might just bring more devastation to than enjoy the remaining
days of the patient’s life.
I will be getting married on August 4, for months I’ve been
praying for a family miracle, that God would finally answer my prayer for years
with regards to our family predicament then this came…..
I knew I have no right to question the Lord, that’s why I
chose not to question Him instead I asked Him to help me trust Him despite
being in a situation where no one can really be in control but Him, where I can
never be certain on what to expect but just be solely dependent and entrust
everything on the Lord, the sovereign God and the God of the Already…
Saturday night while mom was watching TV, in between
commercials, I was sharing the gospel of salvation to her, we were happily
discussing about God’s love to us and by the grace of God, mom agreed to pray
the acceptance prayer, she invited the Lord Jesus to be the Lord and Saviour of
her life. I knew it was God who
orchestrated that moment, it was God’s way of telling me “Rhycel, I hear your
hearts’ prayer”. As I remind myself of
Romans 8:28 and Jeremiah 29:11, I realized that this journey is not just about
mom but God has a plan for us all; as for me, I realized that God is in fact
answering my prayer on wanting to be a good daughter and be able to whole
heartedly honor my parents, I also now truly appreciate why in years the Lord
didn’t bless me with another corporate job or a business that would really
occupy most of my time, for I pray that if the time comes that one of us has to
go, I do not want to have any have anything left unsaid, any unfinished
business or regret things that I wanted to do or say but failed to do so
because I didn’t had the time or made the wrong choice of priority.
I know that God is moving in our lives now in a very
mysterious way….it’s just sooooooo overwhelming, never mind the physical
exhaustion but its too emotionally and mentally draining. I know I should not
fear for God already gave me an assurance that whatever happens mom will be
with Him but as my mom’s child, I still can’t help but be emotional especially
at times that I realize that anytime we could loose her.
To whoever will be reading this blog, I would like to shamelessly
request to please help us pray for the following:
For Mom:
Supernatural healing for her cancer, may God miraculously
take-away all the cancer cells in her body, may God allow mom to experience God
and witness His loving mercy and grace, may God comfort her when she learns
about her real health condition (the doctor told her already without using the
C word but it seems either she’s on denial or she refused to understand it, but
she was wondering how come her cough, fatigue and breathlessness is not
improving), may she experience love, joy and peace before she leaves earth, may
God allow her to witness my wedding on August 4 (her friend said that mom’s
dream is to see me get married) and when its time for her to go, please pray
that she won’t suffer anymore and may she leave earth without any unfinished
business, may she not leave anything unsaid or undone.
For our Family:
Please pray for comfort and peace that transcends all
understanding, provision for all of mom’s medical needs, wisdom on how to
handle the situation, may we always choose what the Lord wants us to choose and
not what is convenient or what we think is just the best, let go of all pride
and have the God’s grace and the humility to settle all disputes, learn how to
forgive each other, to be more patient
and loving to each other esp to mom, strength and courage to face each day and
our fears, good health as we take care of our mom and for us to learn to trust
and be more dependent on the Lord.
May the Lord give us the opportunity as a family to experience
on how to be a family again. May the Lord Jesus Christ be always with us in
this journey and help us to trust him on the uncertainties that each tomorrow
brings. It is truly, truly, truly
overwhelming, but God is way much bigger than all the problems in the world,
combined….Lord, please allow my family to realize that…
Mom is sleeping as I write this blog, I can’t help but shed
a tear as I see her effort to breath while she sleeps (she was drugged to sleep
that’s why she was able to fall asleep).
Thank you very much for your prayers and support, I appreciate all your messages and prayers
more than you will ever know....
