Side Mirror

In the past years, I have been intensely stripped, by the things that used to define my existence along with the character dysfunction that outlined my whole being. Painstakingly, I have gone through or should I say, am still going through great adversities that sometimes go beyond the ambit of human understanding due to the series of ill-fated events or prolonged being, in some cases. 

Last weekend, I have gone through another hurtful situation again, I asked myself with questions that were somehow related to my past blunders like “Am I still paying the price of my past mistakes or former wayward life? Is there a lesson that I still haven’t learned? Will my travails ever end? ” However, after asking myself with such doubt leading questions, God reminded me of this verse, “If anyone is in Christ, he is now a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come (2 Corinthians 5:17); The Lord reminded me again that such doubt leading thoughts was the enemy’s way of planting the seed of scepticisms in my mind, with the hope that it will soon rob my joy and eventually tremble my emotional realms against my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.

A fact that is recognized by the Bible is that we live in a world that is filled with injustices and unfairness.  We sometimes experience great sufferings even at times that we live our lives immaculately. One thing that I always remind myself of is that everything happens for a purpose; often the Lord doesn’t act in the way we could understand but we must trust His character and His limitless power and grace which He graciously gives to His children.

In the course of my recent emotional brokenness, even if I have been a Christian for years, I can’t help but somehow relate what recently happened to me as something that I might have done again that caused me to be disciplined by the Lord; I tried to recall as to what foolish choices did I make that lead me to a painful consequence, however, no matter how hard I try to squeeze my mind over and over and over again, I can’t remember anything in my walk that merits a discipline of losing something of value. 

Amidst all the crying, I decided to revisit the Book of Job, a man who’s life, heart, soul and spirit is dedicated to the Lord, a very decent, blameless and moral man, yet an excruciating disaster was vested upon him that took everything – his sons & daughters and all his wealth.  Reading through the pages, I am blessed to be reminded that sometimes, the Lord allows us to go through unbearable affliction not because He loves us less or we have sinned, but because He wants us to grow in faith and glorify His name no matter what difficulties we may be called upon to endure. 

At times of hard-knocks, I realized that we should not be too hard on ourselves, our miseries may not necessarily be a consequence of a miscalculated action or decision that we might have committed, it may sometimes be a faith-strengthening opportunity that would help us increase our dependence and intimacy with the Lord;  Pain is also an opportunity to be a blessing to others, most especially to those whom God appointed to witness the grace and miracles that He would perform through the entire process.

So, smile and be a blessing! And never forget that God will never turn His back on us no matter what :)

I love you, Jesus!

MOM

Deuteronomy 5:16

"Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you.

Growing up with my mom seems to be very challenging for me, 80 to 90% of my memory about her were those times where I am being physically and verbally abused whenever she’s mad about something that I did. I’m sure mom did a lot of things for me but funny cause the only heartfelt memory I had about her was the time that she fixed the collar of my uniform before I left home for school, I was like in grade 7 or 8 then. I never understood her, all I thought was she was always after me, her love language of discipline bruised my heart and soul more than my physical body, so much that it affected my behavior ‘til I became an adult without me realizing it. I felt unloved and unaccepted by the only mom that I knew.

My life had so much up and downs in search for the love that I thought I never had but when I met God, He revealed to me so much things that I’ve never seen nor realized and one of which was my mom’s love for me and how much I truly, truly love her. Sadly, I realized it in a painful way when time seems to be running out…

I received a news the other night that mom seemed to have lost her appetite and that she has a fever, it honestly brought a lot of fear in me for I am afraid that her cancer might already reached its worst stage. Mom has stage 3 breast cancer, one breast was removed last November 2009 but no further treatment was given to her for we cannot afford the chemo and radiation treatments plus the fact that we are all afraid that she might expire earlier than it should be. It’s been almost 8 months since then and I thank God for His grace that He kept mom alive and strong but in spite of it all I know that fear is just hiding in the core of my heart.

I wrote a letter for mom last night and I intend to give it this weekend, I poured my whole heart into it, for the first time I had to courage to tell her my vulnerability. I asked for forgiveness, for all my shortcomings and disobedience and for the times that I hurt her, I said sorry for not telling her face to face how much I truly love her. I can’t recall if there was a time that I actually told her how thankful I am to her for adopting me, for caring for me, for loving me and for treating me like her own. God made me realized that there may be a lot of unsaid sacrifices and uncried tears but mom chose to just be silent about it. I thank God for opening my eyes to what mom did and continuously doing for me, there may be several irritation and misunderstandings from the past and from time to time but the fact still remain that it all rooted because she loves me.

Lord, please give my mom and me more time to have a godly relationship. I know in the past 8 months I somehow remained to be the person that I was, a little tamed and better but somehow distant out of so much fear, fear of loosing her….Lord, I am deeply sorry!!! Please help me to have the boldness and the courage to show her how much I truly, truly love her, how much I cherish her and how much I truly care for her; Lord, at times that the enemy is trying to tear our relationship apart, please protect us and allow us to see each other through your eyes, let no disrespect exist at all cost no matter how painful it may become, let your love bridge us to have better understanding & compassion, help me not to dishonor my parents even at times of pain. Lord, please, allow our family be reconciled and have the time and opportunity to enjoy each others company as a whole family, worshipping and serving you Lord. Please make our family a living testimony that by your grace all things are possible…Lord, please comfort my heart, please heal my mom completely and please reconcile our family…Lord, I am begging for your mercy and grace, In Jesus name…

Mom, I love you so much and you may not have loved me the way I wanted but my heart knows that you have loved me and continuously loving me the best way you know how and for me that is more than enough.



Note: Please do include my mom (Natividad Marcelo) and our family in your prayer. Thank you and God bless

TRUE BEAUTY

Women generally spend so much time and money (some even millions) trying to be beautiful and attractive, I too was guilty of such....Women tend to spend on things that would help us feel and look good -- make-up, clothes, hair treatments, some even surgery, weight loss program, skin care, designer bags and shoes, etc...etc.. always trying to look expensive in order to please others and the funny thing is sometimes we do it to please even the people that we hate! hhhmmm....In spite of it all,more often even if we achieve our goals on becoming beautiful and enjoy the compliments everywhere, why is it we still feel ugly and/or empty inside? Why?....

Deep down in our heart, we sense that we are made to be truly beautiful, that God created women for loveliness. But unfortunately, we often choose to forget and always tend to seek on superficial ways that the world offer concentrating only on what is in the outside than working from the inside...Did you ever wonder why even the most expensive skin caviar in the world doesn't seem to work? why make-ups can't deny the loneliness in our eyes? you may achieve physical attractiveness that would attract people but the question is, are you attracting the right people? No matter what you do, nothing on earth can truly,truly touch your soul, make your heart truly joyful and can transform your life to ways that you can never imagine...Ever wonder why? because only the grace of Jesus can.

When we shift our hearts' focus from making ourselves beautiful on the outside to opening our mind, heart and soul to our Savior, unfathomable transformation will happen. God will begin by healing our wounds that made who we are and will lead us to behave, think and feel different from before and from the ways of the world. The Lord will bring wholeness to our hearts, He will fill our love tanks, purify our hearts and lift our spirits even at times of troubles -- removing our sin, sorrow or pain by making us understand the deep seated root of our hang-ups and He will reveal us our real selves where true beauty begins...the beauty that can only be true through the Holy Spirit. Real beauty is God's grace to us and it can only shine when we repent and receive Him, and by being unafraid to show the vulnerability of our true self not only to God but to people (very liberating!); a true act of humility. Stop pretending and denying, be not afraid for the Bible says, the Lord walks before you, with you and He will never forsake you no matter what.....

The Lord can make us shine only through His light... True beauty can only be achieved when we allow God to take-over...beauty need not to be expensive and no amount of worldly things can over power God's love and grace -- a free gift that we can never earn.

Invest on what's ETERNAL and not on the external....