HEARTFELT REMINDER

Christianity is not about transportation but it’s about TRANSFORMATION.  God is in the business of transforming lives….

I am blessed to be part of Dr. Randy Dellosa’s  5 week life-coaching seminar not just because of the life coaching skills that he's imparting on us in order to reach out and help more people but as well as to the reminder of grace that I had when he made me a part in one of his training demo.

Last Saturday, he asked our group if there was anyone who attempted suicide or at least have thought of suicide at least once and to my surprise I was the only one who raised a hand.

3 ½ years ago, I almost committed suicide, weeks after I left my last corporate job, 2am I was driving around Makati-Mandaluyong bridge seriously thinking of hitting my car towards the railing with the hope that I would just fall in the river and die, if I remember it right, it took me quite a number of turns at the bridge island for I was looking for the right timing, ensuring that no stranger will be hurt and no car will be hit.  I was crying profusely while driving, questioning God, I was deeply hurt, confused, lost and felt that I had no one else to turn to nor no one would understand, was tired of clichés, and useless words that didn’t make any sense to me.  I was so full of myself then, I was only thinking of the pride that I can’t hold on to and the so-called corporate image that I created and lost, in my mind my corporate life was the only thing that I can call mine, I owned it, I worked hard for it and the only thing that can’t be taken away from me then I lost it….All I wanted was to die, so the pain would stop once my heart beats’ stops. But God had other plans for me…

Last Saturday, I went on a journey back to that part of my life, though I knew that it was just an exercise to demonstrate how the questions should be like when we do life-coaching but I wasn’t able to hold back, my voice cracked, I was shaking and tears started to fall…I can’t help but be reminded how lost I was, how alone I was, how empty I was, how lonely I was, I wore a mask,  my life then was an epitome of worldly living….I was reminded how I allowed myself to be trapped with busyness, relationships, money, material things or anything that the world can offer just to fill my inner despondencies. I’ve been dead a long time ago....way before I even knew it.

Now, looking back, I can’t help but thank the Lord over and over and over again and even I was forced to be in bed yesterday due to my fever, I can’t help but feel the joy inside me, tears of joy were falling, copiously; And even if I feel really weak yesterday, I had to get up and ensure that I won’t miss the Sunday vesper worship for I wanted to praise and worship the Lord and just thank Him endlessly for all the works that He’ve done and will be doing in my life.  My heart is truly, truly overwhelmed, tears were uncontrollably falling the whole time and I can’t help but say “Thank You, Lord, Thank you, Lord, Thank you, Lord,  Thank You Lord for your Grace”.

I thank the Lord for changing my life, my views, my perspective and my whole being; Life is truly, truly simply wonderful! In spite of life’s constant adversities, I can’t help but feel this unfathomable joy and assurance that no matter what, I will never, ever be alone and His presence alone in my life is more than sufficient.

When Dr. Dellosa asked me as to how can I describe how I think and feel after everything that happened?  I just gave him my most honest & heartfelt answer, “ I am joyful,  for I am Saved by Grace”


Ephesians 2:8-9
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by  good works, so that no one can boast

Side Mirror

In the past years, I have been intensely stripped, by the things that used to define my existence along with the character dysfunction that outlined my whole being. Painstakingly, I have gone through or should I say, am still going through great adversities that sometimes go beyond the ambit of human understanding due to the series of ill-fated events or prolonged being, in some cases. 

Last weekend, I have gone through another hurtful situation again, I asked myself with questions that were somehow related to my past blunders like “Am I still paying the price of my past mistakes or former wayward life? Is there a lesson that I still haven’t learned? Will my travails ever end? ” However, after asking myself with such doubt leading questions, God reminded me of this verse, “If anyone is in Christ, he is now a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come (2 Corinthians 5:17); The Lord reminded me again that such doubt leading thoughts was the enemy’s way of planting the seed of scepticisms in my mind, with the hope that it will soon rob my joy and eventually tremble my emotional realms against my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.

A fact that is recognized by the Bible is that we live in a world that is filled with injustices and unfairness.  We sometimes experience great sufferings even at times that we live our lives immaculately. One thing that I always remind myself of is that everything happens for a purpose; often the Lord doesn’t act in the way we could understand but we must trust His character and His limitless power and grace which He graciously gives to His children.

In the course of my recent emotional brokenness, even if I have been a Christian for years, I can’t help but somehow relate what recently happened to me as something that I might have done again that caused me to be disciplined by the Lord; I tried to recall as to what foolish choices did I make that lead me to a painful consequence, however, no matter how hard I try to squeeze my mind over and over and over again, I can’t remember anything in my walk that merits a discipline of losing something of value. 

Amidst all the crying, I decided to revisit the Book of Job, a man who’s life, heart, soul and spirit is dedicated to the Lord, a very decent, blameless and moral man, yet an excruciating disaster was vested upon him that took everything – his sons & daughters and all his wealth.  Reading through the pages, I am blessed to be reminded that sometimes, the Lord allows us to go through unbearable affliction not because He loves us less or we have sinned, but because He wants us to grow in faith and glorify His name no matter what difficulties we may be called upon to endure. 

At times of hard-knocks, I realized that we should not be too hard on ourselves, our miseries may not necessarily be a consequence of a miscalculated action or decision that we might have committed, it may sometimes be a faith-strengthening opportunity that would help us increase our dependence and intimacy with the Lord;  Pain is also an opportunity to be a blessing to others, most especially to those whom God appointed to witness the grace and miracles that He would perform through the entire process.

So, smile and be a blessing! And never forget that God will never turn His back on us no matter what :)

I love you, Jesus!