37th Birthday

Last March 31 I celebrated my 37th birthday, days before that, I started to pray for God to give me a joyful surprise on my special day;  At first I didn’t know what surprise would I exactly like to receive from God but later on I realized that I was just on denial....

Two days before my birthday, friends started to celebrate, still, I am thinking as to what surprise would I really want to receive, ‘til I admitted in my heart that what I really wanted was for my dad to greet me on my birthday, it’s been years since the last time he greeted me, in fact the last time he did was through my mom 8 yrs ago.

Saturday came, my d’ day! Didn’t get to see my dad, Sunday, the day after my birthday, he prepared my usual breakfast but still didn’t bother to greet me. I felt so disappointed and can’t help but feel the hurt in my heart.  I am not the type of person who wants the world to stop for my birthday, in fact it’s already a huge deal for me if people that are important to me would take time to send their greetings (except for Adrian dapat kasama ko sya nun! hehehe), in fact it’s already a bonus blessing for me if people prepares something to surprise me.  I was just saddened when it felt like that my only special day in a year was not given importance by my dad…..Somehow, I felt God disappointed me.

Admittedly, I felt bad, though I was trying to manage my pain by placing my focus on those happy surprises and greetings that I received from friends and love-ones,  but part of me, I was wondering “Ano kaya ang plano ni Lord? Ano na naman kaya ang dapat kong matutunan ngayon?...”

On my way to CCF main for the vesper worship last Sunday, I spoke to God while in the cab; I told Him how I felt and  this is what God said:  “ My dearest daughter, isn't it enough that when you wake up each morning, your meals has already been carefully prepared by your earthly father? Isn't it enough that he is still with you and still able to do things for you? That even if you sometimes get hurt with the things that he utter about you and your family, isn't it enough that I am still giving you more time to pray for your dad's salvation?"

I cried…profusely.

I was unable to control the tears from rolling down my cheeks.  My heart was convicted.  Truly, His ways are different. And God is so goooooodddddddddd!!!! In fact God is answering my prayer, by giving me and my friends enough time to pray for my dad’s salvation;  In spite the fact that he is a 74 year old alcoholic, I still praise God that my dad is still strong and able to function well, for I know in the core of my heart,  I would rather choose to be cursed on by my dad on a regular basis rather than to see his eyes fold with the knowledge that he is not saved..

I thank God for this realization, admittedly it still hurts a little, and my home situation still makes me shed a tear or two from time to time especially when he is drunk and on rage, but I have entrusted my whole life to the Lord, every little thing about me,  I am just trusting His plans in my life; Been praying for our family’s salvation since I became serious in my Christian walk, His answer may take longer than I wished for but my heart is anchored on His promises and grace….In His perfect time I know everything will be way much better.

My birthday only comes once a year, for years, I hoped to be loved and greeted by my earthly father on that single day, but I praise God for recently, He made me realize that my dad may not be greeting me every March 31, but he is in fact making me feel that in every meal that he prepares, it is his silent way of saying I love you, my dear child and that is already enough reason for me to regularly sing my very own “Happy Birthday” song :)

To God be all the praise, honor and glory.  

SOARED 500FT ABOVE THE GROUND...

I am so blessed to experience an adventure trip that most people are just curious about, an experience that not everyone would have an opportunity to do in their lifetime -- TANDEM PARAGLIDING.

Yesterday, I had an opportunity to try tandem paragliding in Carmona, Cavite, Randelle (or Buko as most of his friends call him) who owns Air Sports Adventure Philippines and the first & (take note!) only Filipino who is licensed to do tandem paragliding in the country invited me to a one day of fun-filled  adventure.

From Makati, Buko, Armand and I travelled to Petron SLEX to meet Joy, Roy and Armand, our clients who are brave enough to try the tandem paragliding.  We had a few briefing in Starbucks before we went straight to the area,  Carmona was like 30 minutes away from where we had our briefing but the trek going up the jump-off point was the challenge, the road was quite a challenge, very dusty and large piles construction trucks and boulders were seen in the area for  some part of the hill side is being developed to become a low-cost subdivision by a private company, sad but true.  Anyway, going back to my adventure, when we finally hit the spot, I started to feel my nerves especially when I realized how high we were.  We were 50 meters (or 164.04 feet) above the ground, that is quite too much already for someone who is afraid of heights. I was quite nervous, while watching the others fly, I was praying and asking God for protection not only for myself but for us all; I even sent some prayer request to few of my friends, asking for their prayer of protection.

After 3 hours or so, it was my turn to fly, to my surprise, my friend Buko told me that Armand (Dard) will be the one to take me on air; Armand is a French man who have been flying for 17 years,  a license tandem pilot and been teaching paragliding for 13 years, so I told myself…COOL!  Somehow part of me got a little excited since when I saw him flew with my friend Joy, Armand was quite a dare devil and were doing some “acrobatics”, even if he has someone with him….Then, my turn came, I must admit my knees were starting to get weaker and weaker but I told myself, I have to do it and my last words were Lord, please take care of me….

Then when we ran….after 3 to 4 steps, I started to realize that I am already running on air….I must admit, it was such an exhilarating experience!!!!  I SUPER LOVE IT!!!!! It’s truly a different feeling to fly on air, I can feel the air run through my whole being, I can clearly hear the sound of the air rushing through the kite’s rope. I was literally 500 feet above the ground!!!!! Armand even gave me the chance to control the kite by myself  --- 100% pure FUN!!! He even did some aerial tricks, we were not just gliding on air, we were literally rotating, swerving, swinging, and veering on air!!!! Wow!!!! It is truly an experience that one can never forget….

 After our flying adventure, the fun didn’t stopped there, Buko took me to an Off-road trip to Tagaytay, he drove me to a way or road where I never thought that it even existed, only driver’s like Buko and tough 4x4 vehicles would dare to try that way, the road was really rough and tough and all I can see as we trek that way were either forest type trees or huge grass prairies; I was literally bouncing inside Buko’s pick-up, all the while I thought such treks are only meant for (walking) mountaineers, guess’ I was wrong about that.

When we finally got to Tagaytay, Buko treated us in Amoroma, I super love their pesto and anchovies pizza!!! And their caramel panna cotta was also good.  YUMMY!!!!! It was truly a day filled with great new experience for me, on our way home, we were even treated to a buko station where I had the chance to straw the buko juice straight from the shell! Quite cool!

It was indeed a tiring day, I’ve tried things that I never thought I would or could, but I did! Being up on air made me realized how beautiful to see things from a birds’ eye view, it made me appreciate nature even more! And I was also somehow reminded that if God was able to create all these beautiful things, what else can He not do?

Being 500ft above the ground made me realized how small things can become from that  perspective, but God softly whispered to my heart,  “It may be small from up here but I am in control of everything, my child, nothing is too small or too big for me to handle”.  It’s truly so comforting to know how OMNIPOTENT God is.

Thank you for Lord for the good weather, thank you Lord for the good flow of air, thank you Lord for the wonderful experience, for allowing me to appreciate your beautiful creation all the more, for the kids that you allowed me to meet at the jumping site, for moving me to get out of my comfort zone, for helping me to conquer my fear of heights and most of all thank you for reminding me that NOTHING IS TOO SMALL OR TOO BIG FOR YOU TO HANDLE…..

Btw, have I mentioned that I didn't spend even a single centavo on that trip? Buko (Randelle) generously shared his blessings to me. Thank you, Lord!!!!

I AM WONDERFULLY BLESSED.

So, who wants to join me in my next flying trip????

HEARTFELT REMINDER

Christianity is not about transportation but it’s about TRANSFORMATION.  God is in the business of transforming lives….

I am blessed to be part of Dr. Randy Dellosa’s  5 week life-coaching seminar not just because of the life coaching skills that he's imparting on us in order to reach out and help more people but as well as to the reminder of grace that I had when he made me a part in one of his training demo.

Last Saturday, he asked our group if there was anyone who attempted suicide or at least have thought of suicide at least once and to my surprise I was the only one who raised a hand.

3 ½ years ago, I almost committed suicide, weeks after I left my last corporate job, 2am I was driving around Makati-Mandaluyong bridge seriously thinking of hitting my car towards the railing with the hope that I would just fall in the river and die, if I remember it right, it took me quite a number of turns at the bridge island for I was looking for the right timing, ensuring that no stranger will be hurt and no car will be hit.  I was crying profusely while driving, questioning God, I was deeply hurt, confused, lost and felt that I had no one else to turn to nor no one would understand, was tired of clichés, and useless words that didn’t make any sense to me.  I was so full of myself then, I was only thinking of the pride that I can’t hold on to and the so-called corporate image that I created and lost, in my mind my corporate life was the only thing that I can call mine, I owned it, I worked hard for it and the only thing that can’t be taken away from me then I lost it….All I wanted was to die, so the pain would stop once my heart beats’ stops. But God had other plans for me…

Last Saturday, I went on a journey back to that part of my life, though I knew that it was just an exercise to demonstrate how the questions should be like when we do life-coaching but I wasn’t able to hold back, my voice cracked, I was shaking and tears started to fall…I can’t help but be reminded how lost I was, how alone I was, how empty I was, how lonely I was, I wore a mask,  my life then was an epitome of worldly living….I was reminded how I allowed myself to be trapped with busyness, relationships, money, material things or anything that the world can offer just to fill my inner despondencies. I’ve been dead a long time ago....way before I even knew it.

Now, looking back, I can’t help but thank the Lord over and over and over again and even I was forced to be in bed yesterday due to my fever, I can’t help but feel the joy inside me, tears of joy were falling, copiously; And even if I feel really weak yesterday, I had to get up and ensure that I won’t miss the Sunday vesper worship for I wanted to praise and worship the Lord and just thank Him endlessly for all the works that He’ve done and will be doing in my life.  My heart is truly, truly overwhelmed, tears were uncontrollably falling the whole time and I can’t help but say “Thank You, Lord, Thank you, Lord, Thank you, Lord,  Thank You Lord for your Grace”.

I thank the Lord for changing my life, my views, my perspective and my whole being; Life is truly, truly simply wonderful! In spite of life’s constant adversities, I can’t help but feel this unfathomable joy and assurance that no matter what, I will never, ever be alone and His presence alone in my life is more than sufficient.

When Dr. Dellosa asked me as to how can I describe how I think and feel after everything that happened?  I just gave him my most honest & heartfelt answer, “ I am joyful,  for I am Saved by Grace”


Ephesians 2:8-9
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by  good works, so that no one can boast

Sexual Purity

1 Corinthians 6:18-20

"Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body."

Four years ago I surrendered my life to God, I must say it was the toughest but the best decision I’ve ever made in my entire life!

I lived a life as to how the world defines it or even worst; I made a lot of compromises without thinking of the possible consequences of my actions.  Living a pure life is non-existent in my life book, I used to believe that I should pursue whatever will make me happy and bring pleasure, even if in reality, I feel so empty and exhausted inside without me realizing it then, all I know was I never wanted to be alone but I didn’t know the reason why.

Sex was my one of my greatest pleasure and dependence, my relationships were defined by the pleasure that sex brings, I didn’t know then the importance of purity, my line of thinking was it’s okay to do it since its acceptable and open, before I strongly believe that life without sex is boring and sexual compatibility then to me was one of my top most important factor in a relationship since I thought that it’s a relationship binder, for the fun and adventure that it brings…..but I was wrong!

When I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Saviour, slowly His command of purity was making sense to me, though I must admit during the early stages of my Christianity I was still actively practicing that part of my old life….but as I get to know His word, His promises and His love for us, slowly, I am taking a slow drive away from my active lifestyle, until such time that I decided to have a covenant of purity. 

Taking the correct path is not an easy road to trek, most especially if you’re driven by your personal motives and not solely because we love Him, that’s why we wanted to obey.  I told myself, “Lord this is for you” but in reality the underlying unsaid motive in my heart was “Lord, bless me ha cause I am making a huge sacrifice for you”   (hehehe parang x-deal) but sadly that’s not how it works and in my first year, as expected, I failed about 2 to 3 times --- F-A-I-L-U-R-E!  I honestly wanted to give up, thinking along the line that since God is very loving and merciful, He will forgive me anyway,  but whenever the Holy Spirit reminds me of what I learned in B1G 4 (I can choose to sin, but I can never choose the consequences of my sins), fear succumbed my whole being; Though lies were still moving then around my head,  and it somehow made me walk a step or two backwards for there was this certain shame in my  heart that made me feel uneasy and insecure deep inside….

Failing is never easy, but it is important that when we do, we have people around us to encourage and bring us back to the word (run away from people who will tolerate you and say that it’s okay), I must say I am very blessed to be surrounded by people who helped me pray for His grace, so I can stand with Him against my stronghold; And it did worked! God answered our prayer, in fact with a bonus.

God allowed me to get to know Him all the more so I may understand His words and commands by heart, as I become more intimate and learned to increase my dependence on the Lord, it made me fall deeply in love with Him (truly I can feel His loving presence in my life even through my toughest times, never did He leave me alone). And through that love and graciousness, choosing obedience is an automatic heart choice for all I ever wanted is to give Him honor, glory and praise.

The Lord answered our prayer by helping me to know His Lordship first and changing the motives of my heart on the covenant that I had with Him.  By God’s grace, obedience on the area of purity is no longer a stronghold, in fact by His grace He even answered 2 of my prayers in which I/we (and my Church friends)   have prayed for 3 years – Adrian is now a Christian and been attending regular worship service with me since July;  Though he have always respected & never made an issue about my vow of purity but at least now it’s a joy to know that he has a better understanding in that area and our obedience is not based on ourselves alone, but because we both love the Lord so much. I may not know if he is the one that God prepared for me but his spiritual progress is enough reason for me to be happy, whether we end up together or not, the fact that Christ is in his heart, is already good enough for me.

Purity for someone who used to live like me is not an easy feat but God is truly awesome and all powerful, all we need is just to seek Him, obey with a correct heart and love Him above all, cause if we do, His grace alone is sufficient enough for us not to be tempted and be able to deny the desires of our own flesh.

Saved by Grace.

Merci Dieu!!!