Last March 31 I celebrated my 37th birthday, days before that, I started to pray for God to give me a joyful surprise on my special day; At first I didn’t know what surprise would I exactly like to receive from God but later on I realized that I was just on denial....
Two days before my birthday, friends started to celebrate, still, I am thinking as to what surprise would I really want to receive, ‘til I admitted in my heart that what I really wanted was for my dad to greet me on my birthday, it’s been years since the last time he greeted me, in fact the last time he did was through my mom 8 yrs ago.
Saturday came, my d’ day! Didn’t get to see my dad, Sunday, the day after my birthday, he prepared my usual breakfast but still didn’t bother to greet me. I felt so disappointed and can’t help but feel the hurt in my heart. I am not the type of person who wants the world to stop for my birthday, in fact it’s already a huge deal for me if people that are important to me would take time to send their greetings (except for Adrian dapat kasama ko sya nun! hehehe), in fact it’s already a bonus blessing for me if people prepares something to surprise me. I was just saddened when it felt like that my only special day in a year was not given importance by my dad…..Somehow, I felt God disappointed me.
Admittedly, I felt bad, though I was trying to manage my pain by placing my focus on those happy surprises and greetings that I received from friends and love-ones, but part of me, I was wondering “Ano kaya ang plano ni Lord? Ano na naman kaya ang dapat kong matutunan ngayon?...”
On my way to CCF main for the vesper worship last Sunday, I spoke to God while in the cab; I told Him how I felt and this is what God said: “ My dearest daughter, isn't it enough that when you wake up each morning, your meals has already been carefully prepared by your earthly father? Isn't it enough that he is still with you and still able to do things for you? That even if you sometimes get hurt with the things that he utter about you and your family, isn't it enough that I am still giving you more time to pray for your dad's salvation?"
I cried…profusely.
I was unable to control the tears from rolling down my cheeks. My heart was convicted. Truly, His ways are different. And God is so goooooodddddddddd!!!! In fact God is answering my prayer, by giving me and my friends enough time to pray for my dad’s salvation; In spite the fact that he is a 74 year old alcoholic, I still praise God that my dad is still strong and able to function well, for I know in the core of my heart, I would rather choose to be cursed on by my dad on a regular basis rather than to see his eyes fold with the knowledge that he is not saved..
I thank God for this realization, admittedly it still hurts a little, and my home situation still makes me shed a tear or two from time to time especially when he is drunk and on rage, but I have entrusted my whole life to the Lord, every little thing about me, I am just trusting His plans in my life; Been praying for our family’s salvation since I became serious in my Christian walk, His answer may take longer than I wished for but my heart is anchored on His promises and grace….In His perfect time I know everything will be way much better.
My birthday only comes once a year, for years, I hoped to be loved and greeted by my earthly father on that single day, but I praise God for recently, He made me realize that my dad may not be greeting me every March 31, but he is in fact making me feel that in every meal that he prepares, it is his silent way of saying I love you, my dear child and that is already enough reason for me to regularly sing my very own “Happy Birthday” song :)
To God be all the praise, honor and glory.
Two days before my birthday, friends started to celebrate, still, I am thinking as to what surprise would I really want to receive, ‘til I admitted in my heart that what I really wanted was for my dad to greet me on my birthday, it’s been years since the last time he greeted me, in fact the last time he did was through my mom 8 yrs ago.
Saturday came, my d’ day! Didn’t get to see my dad, Sunday, the day after my birthday, he prepared my usual breakfast but still didn’t bother to greet me. I felt so disappointed and can’t help but feel the hurt in my heart. I am not the type of person who wants the world to stop for my birthday, in fact it’s already a huge deal for me if people that are important to me would take time to send their greetings (except for Adrian dapat kasama ko sya nun! hehehe), in fact it’s already a bonus blessing for me if people prepares something to surprise me. I was just saddened when it felt like that my only special day in a year was not given importance by my dad…..Somehow, I felt God disappointed me.
Admittedly, I felt bad, though I was trying to manage my pain by placing my focus on those happy surprises and greetings that I received from friends and love-ones, but part of me, I was wondering “Ano kaya ang plano ni Lord? Ano na naman kaya ang dapat kong matutunan ngayon?...”
On my way to CCF main for the vesper worship last Sunday, I spoke to God while in the cab; I told Him how I felt and this is what God said: “ My dearest daughter, isn't it enough that when you wake up each morning, your meals has already been carefully prepared by your earthly father? Isn't it enough that he is still with you and still able to do things for you? That even if you sometimes get hurt with the things that he utter about you and your family, isn't it enough that I am still giving you more time to pray for your dad's salvation?"
I cried…profusely.
I was unable to control the tears from rolling down my cheeks. My heart was convicted. Truly, His ways are different. And God is so goooooodddddddddd!!!! In fact God is answering my prayer, by giving me and my friends enough time to pray for my dad’s salvation; In spite the fact that he is a 74 year old alcoholic, I still praise God that my dad is still strong and able to function well, for I know in the core of my heart, I would rather choose to be cursed on by my dad on a regular basis rather than to see his eyes fold with the knowledge that he is not saved..
I thank God for this realization, admittedly it still hurts a little, and my home situation still makes me shed a tear or two from time to time especially when he is drunk and on rage, but I have entrusted my whole life to the Lord, every little thing about me, I am just trusting His plans in my life; Been praying for our family’s salvation since I became serious in my Christian walk, His answer may take longer than I wished for but my heart is anchored on His promises and grace….In His perfect time I know everything will be way much better.
My birthday only comes once a year, for years, I hoped to be loved and greeted by my earthly father on that single day, but I praise God for recently, He made me realize that my dad may not be greeting me every March 31, but he is in fact making me feel that in every meal that he prepares, it is his silent way of saying I love you, my dear child and that is already enough reason for me to regularly sing my very own “Happy Birthday” song :)
To God be all the praise, honor and glory.
