MacGyver

Remember the guy in the 80’s who can invent everything with basically anything? Yup, for those who belong in my age range would probably remember the 80’s action-adventure TV show in Channel 9 called MacGyver, starred by Richard Dean Anderson.

Growing up I witnessed by Kuya Henry became a huge fan of that TV show, he consistently watched the show and even at times that he would fail to watch it, he would always find a way to tape the show by using the record timer in our Betamax player then. I also like watching MacGyver with my brother, back then I may not understand the show as much but watching it with my Kuya is what I enjoyed most that time.

When I was a kid I always wonder if there is indeed someone out there like MacGyver?  A man who could invent something useful from scratch by using simple stuffs that can be simply found at home or even from the good old junk….

When I grew up I have forgotten about MacGyver, my curiosity about what he did in the show also stopped, but just recently I realized that MacGyver is certainly not just a TV show character in my life but he is indeed for real, an existent person whose works was just taken for granted and he is non-other than my dad.

Looking back, I saw my dad how he worked on different stuffs, he can turn almost all non-useful or junk stuffs into something handy, he hates throwing things away cause for him everything can still be used, may be not now but in the future he can always find a way to turn things into something valuable.  My dad’s skills and fondness into fixing appliances (have I mentioned that he’s an appliance technician?!) lead him to enjoy doing his own stuffs without needing to hire someone to do it for him, as well as inventing simple things that can be very useful in our daily lives.

In early 2000, the side mirror of the company car that was assigned to me was stolen, upon replacement, my dad invented a side mirror protector that would discourage the thieves from stealing it; However, back then, I wasn’t so appreciative of what my old man did cause may be in my mind I was thinking that I could always afford to buy a replacement or maybe I felt that it would be a bother to put that on especially at times when I felt too sleepy and all I wanted was to get off the car and be in bed.

Recently, as most of you already know, Diego’s (in case you don’t know him, he’s my baby and he’s a car) side mirrors and its covers were stolen in broad day light while it was parked in our home street.  It was quite devastating for me, especially for someone who can’t just afford to buy a new pair (a whopping 7,000 to 10,000Php for an original one for each side, take note: for each side); But PRAISE GOD, after 2 weeks, the Lord blessed me with another pair of side mirrors, believe it or not for an original pair (with installation) that I purchased in Mazda, I only had to pay a total of 6,600Php, for a pair! What a deal! In fact, the guys even replaced the plastic structures where the window adjustment motor is located and the mirror and cover are attached with a new pair for free! Since according to them, it was also damaged when the crooks wrongly opened the cover and forcedly detached the mirror.  God is truly great! And I am more blessed because my dear MacGyver immediately and patiently worked on Diego’s side mirror protector and after his 2 days of patience (it took him a while since I always had to bring the car when I leave), Diego’s side mirrors are again very well protected, in fact my dad even made a hand sewn fabric cover made of jeans so I may cover the whole form before I put on the metal cover to ensure that the back cover of the mirrors won’t be abraded.   

I thank God for my dad, he may sometimes be quite challenging, he may often say or do things that may hurt us but one thing is for sure, I know in my heart that my dad is loving me the best way he knows how.

I love you so much dad and I pray that one day I could tell you personally, as I look at you eye to eye, how much I truly love and appreciate everything that you’ve done for me and how I feel so blessed on having you as my dad.

No matter what others may say, in my heart my dad will always be one of my hero here on earth and one of God’s BEST blessing in my life.

Thank you Lord for the opportunity to be my father’s daughter.

Side Mirror

In the past years, I have been intensely stripped, by the things that used to define my existence along with the character dysfunction that outlined my whole being. Painstakingly, I have gone through or should I say, am still going through great adversities that sometimes go beyond the ambit of human understanding due to the series of ill-fated events or prolonged being, in some cases. 

Last weekend, I have gone through another hurtful situation again, I asked myself with questions that were somehow related to my past blunders like “Am I still paying the price of my past mistakes or former wayward life? Is there a lesson that I still haven’t learned? Will my travails ever end? ” However, after asking myself with such doubt leading questions, God reminded me of this verse, “If anyone is in Christ, he is now a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come (2 Corinthians 5:17); The Lord reminded me again that such doubt leading thoughts was the enemy’s way of planting the seed of scepticisms in my mind, with the hope that it will soon rob my joy and eventually tremble my emotional realms against my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.

A fact that is recognized by the Bible is that we live in a world that is filled with injustices and unfairness.  We sometimes experience great sufferings even at times that we live our lives immaculately. One thing that I always remind myself of is that everything happens for a purpose; often the Lord doesn’t act in the way we could understand but we must trust His character and His limitless power and grace which He graciously gives to His children.

In the course of my recent emotional brokenness, even if I have been a Christian for years, I can’t help but somehow relate what recently happened to me as something that I might have done again that caused me to be disciplined by the Lord; I tried to recall as to what foolish choices did I make that lead me to a painful consequence, however, no matter how hard I try to squeeze my mind over and over and over again, I can’t remember anything in my walk that merits a discipline of losing something of value. 

Amidst all the crying, I decided to revisit the Book of Job, a man who’s life, heart, soul and spirit is dedicated to the Lord, a very decent, blameless and moral man, yet an excruciating disaster was vested upon him that took everything – his sons & daughters and all his wealth.  Reading through the pages, I am blessed to be reminded that sometimes, the Lord allows us to go through unbearable affliction not because He loves us less or we have sinned, but because He wants us to grow in faith and glorify His name no matter what difficulties we may be called upon to endure. 

At times of hard-knocks, I realized that we should not be too hard on ourselves, our miseries may not necessarily be a consequence of a miscalculated action or decision that we might have committed, it may sometimes be a faith-strengthening opportunity that would help us increase our dependence and intimacy with the Lord;  Pain is also an opportunity to be a blessing to others, most especially to those whom God appointed to witness the grace and miracles that He would perform through the entire process.

So, smile and be a blessing! And never forget that God will never turn His back on us no matter what :)

I love you, Jesus!

Blessing In Disguised

Dad tried to wake me up at 7:30am, he was trying to convince me to eat the congee that he cooked (and literally prepared on the table near where I was sleeping) while it was still hot. I was silently resisting the idea since Mr. Sandman came at almost 6:00am. Admittedly, there was a voice in my head saying to stay asleep and just ignore his call but somehow my heart was telling otherwise -- stand up and obey. There was a brief negotiation between my head and my heart but eventually I decided to follow my heart instead for deep inside I knew it was the right and most respectful thing to do – Obedience, to my earthly and heavenly fathers.

As soon as I sat down to thank the Lord for the congee, He suddenly reminded me how much my Dad loves me and I can’t help but be emotional about it. Yes, I am used on the fact that dad prepares my daily meal (that’s why he gets frustrated when he has no means to buy a decent meal for her unica hija) but this one seems to be different, more heartfelt (even if it cost my sleep), can’t explain it in words, all I know is that this morning etched such an insurmountable joy in my heart. There was nothing special on the congee, in fact it was the simplest and most uncomplicated congee I’ve ever tasted in my whole life (get the picture?)! But I know deep inside, it left a heartfelt memory which I know will always remain vivid and would always bring me a happy tear.

It’s truly a blessed morning! God forcibly woke me up (hehehehe…) to remind me how wonderful life is and how wonderful my dad is. Often, God’s blessings comes in the simplest form; Sadly, sometimes because it is too simple, we choose not to obey or even heed, without us realizing what we might have missed.

I am glad the Lord woke me up by His grace, I will never trade nor exchange my congee experience this morning for anything. I would miss the world to have that brief experience again with my dad.

I can never thank God enough; Yes, there may be times of weakness and frustrations but looking back, such is the kind of experience that I would not dare notice, being the kind of person that I was, a proud and broken person that was too busy with her distorted priorities, who allowed the world to define who she should be. My greatest aches, tears and disappointments lead me to the revelation of my utmost thirst, to the people that I should care most and to the divine being who loves me the most, unconditionally.

Thank you Lord, thank you for always reminding me that you hear my desperate pleas, your mighty hand is truly easing my sufferings one by one in spite of my iniquities.

Thank you for continuously loving me and for allowing me to walk in your daily sufficient and unspoken grace.

May 6, 2011 morning congee experience – PRICELESS!!!

Testament of Changed Reality

In the past years, I was taught with a profound sense of humility in the face of tremendous adversity both in my personal and professional life. For years, I operated my life under a belief that I could continuously live in my own liking with just little consequences for everything. I thought I am solely in charged of my life and I own it, so I thought I could do anything that I wanted and that fate was under my control, but I was wrong…truly wrong!

Surviving life itself is challenging and growing up feeling alone while covering and denying all personal pains is indeed a tough feat . I thought I was just normal, living life as it should be, living it to the fullest ! I had tons of so-called friends from all walks of life, a loving boyfriend and a pretty successful career. I was able to buy things that I wanted and went to different places, I may not had everything but I had a life that may be an envy to some.

I fell in love with the world and allowed myself to be succumbed to what it can offer, for the hope that it will bring life and fill the emptiness that I can’t explain. I covered my loneliness with laughter, my insecurity with false confidence through material dependency; I was disrespectful to my parents but I covered it with gifts and monetary support, I became proud but I covered it with false humility so I can please others with the hope that I will be liked and eventually loved by the people that I seek for attention….My life was a complete denial; However, in my grievances and pain, I always remembered that there is a God that I can blame, when the truth was I never thought of Him when I was in my so-called normal predicament; Well, I knew Him by concept, my saving grace when things were going beyond my control and as someone to thank for when my evil thoughts turned into a reality…

I thought I was just insanely blind but I never did realize that I already died long before I knew.

I was like a zombie walking aimlessly, its mere existence didn’t have any meaningful purpose. I was just like bouncing around and floating without gravity wherever the universe will take me….Until the universe took me to an UPWARD direction, I saw the light and has given a chance to see life in a totally different perspective.

The fact that I am writing this blog now is a testament of a changed reality, a change that I didn't expect to happen and a reality that I didn't do that directed me to the eternity that I was silently hoping for, since.

My life is still far from perfect, I still go through daily challenges, excruciating pains and great deal of adversities, I still don’t have everything that I want but I am thankful on the fact that all my needs are provided for; His love and grace in my life is more than enough to bring peace and joy that transcends all understanding.

Thank you Jesus for allowing me to live again.

I now know that I no longer just exist but I am now living life with a purpose.

2 Corinthians 5;17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

JOY in Pain

I spent the entire day at home, thinking things out and stress eating, I wanted to pray but seems that I allowed sadness to get in my way.

For the past 3 days I had some encounters with my dad, he’s surprisingly sober and much less sarcastic and seems to be in a light mood. I was just observing the entire time hoping that he won’t have even a drop of liquor in his system but God is good! Outrage and sarcasm seems to be on vacation.

The whole day I was busy eating, making gourmet sandwiches for myself and making lemongrass ginger tea which I recently learned that it has lots of health benefits and a good cancer prevention drink. While I was busy sipping my afternoon tea as I watch NCIS Strikes Back, I suddenly found myself getting a mug and handing my dad a mug of tea, for some weird and unknown reason it felt really good! It was heart- warming and I got a bit teary eyed. Guess, I really missed my old man and in that simple gesture I felt a certain kind of connection…somehow.

Wish time would come that I would be able to sit down and have a nice chat with dad. One thing is for sure, despite and in spite of the pain I feel whenever my dad is on his not so good behaviour most of the time, I know deep inside, my cries out of the pain was born out of love.

I love you dad!

Run...

I wanna run,

I wanna hide

And just set all my feelings aside

I wanna be still

And just stare

As the wind blows all my thoughts in thin air

I wanna rest and forget

And be somewhere far-fetched

I wanna sleep,

And just fold my eyes

For I no longer want to cry

I just wanna be set free

And feel no pain

Cause it feels like I am just waiting in vain.

Sometimes I just wonder...

Sometimes I wonder

As to where life will take me,

As to what life will bring me

And as to how my life will be

In this world where

The only permanent thing is uncertainty.

But in spite of it all

I thank God for the love and security

That no matter how, where and what life be

I know that I have a Saviour who will never, ever leave me.

Alleluia to our Saviour,...

Crying For Grace

When will my wilderness end?

When will my crying end?

When will my pain end?

I know God loves me

No question on the fact that He will never forsake me

But sometimes I can’t help but feel weary

While waiting for His mercy and grace to my family.

Lord, please stay near me and help me pray

Please put me in your arms and just allow me to lay

As you lay me to rest

Please be patient in listening to my aching heart

And do not ever let the enemy thwart

God's Wrath

Romans 12:19 ESV

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”

One of the things that disappoint most people is when they had to beg for the very thing that they worked hard for; Leniency and kindness should be exercised but it’s more downright disappointing when abused. Yesterday, I attended Sunday worship, I remember vividly what Pastor Bong said, “be joyful even if what is due to you here on earth has been delayed for its delay will inherit compounded interest in heaven, do not take vengeance to those who abuse you, for God sees everything and He is the God of justice, He is faithful to His word and His character never changes. Remember you are God’s child, just let them do what they please, their days are numbered and in due time God’s ire will be upon them.”

Have an honest heart check, are you the abused or the abuser?

Romans 13:4 ESV

For he is God's servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God's wrath on the wrongdoer.

BEST GIFT

About a year and a month ago mom was diagnosed with stage 3 (bordering to 4, according to the doctor) breast cancer, her right breast was taken out and was advised to go through chemo and radiation which would cost our family almost a million. It was almost about a month and a half month before Christmas then, it was so painful, the kind of pain that no one can do anything about; I remember my brother even told me then to already prepare myself for soon mom might bid the world goodbye….My wide dark glasses covered up the tears that was about to secretly fall.

It was the most painful Christmas for me, I felt so lost, never in my life that I had to face such pain….excruciating pain. I questioned God, why? That moment, I enumerated one by one to God all pain that He allowed me to go through –- can’t find work, no projects, got ONDOYed, unpaid bills, credit card collector harassment, living with a father who’s daily routine includes getting drunk and go on rage to lash out all his hang-ups on me and to my half-brother; With all such craziness happening I asked God “ano pa? ano pa ba?” I questioned God, I envied those people that I know whom I thought was being blessed in spite of their disobedience and blindness of God. Admittedly, for a time I isolated myself to almost everyone (including family)…all I wanted was to be alone or just to be with people whom I can to talk to about God and not the world.

It was a struggle to face mom at that time; every interaction was a tough act. I have to appear strong in spite of my inner struggles. I tried to be as normal, where normalcy in the family is defined as non-demonstrative, even if deep inside my heart was breaking to death and all I wanted to tell mom how much I love her dearly.

I am blessed to be surrounded with godly encouraging friends; friends who patiently listened to my cries, friends who encouraged me to have more faith and just trust God’s plan, friends who prayed not only for me but for my mom as well and for friends who always reminded me to always believe in the power of prayer during those times that I was in doubt, were more questions are found than answers and at the time when I was so tempted to give-up my faith.

2010 came, lot of things happened; some good, some bad. But all throughout the year by heart I learned to even have more faith even if I don’t see anything nor have anything to hold on to, even if tomorrow seems to be so black then, I just trusted God’s character, promises and faithfulness.

Last night, December 16, our d-groups’ Christmas party, during the evangelical message of our leader, he asked “what is the greatest gift you think have you ever received?” I got teary eyed, it reminded me how much God truly loves me, how blessed I am, for sometimes I forget the graces that He blessed me with because I sometimes tend to focus too much on the disturbances that the enemy is trying to create….shame on me.

God has given me and my family so much grace, things that I/we do not and will never deserve – our daily bread, provision for our monthly bills and the things that we need, work projects, Adrian, restoration of Diego, my brothers and sisters in Christ, great godly friends / acquaintances, my family, our good health….I do not have a perfect life but by God’s grace, He blessed me with everything that we need, He made me understand and appreciate by heart the simple and yet most important things in life through the lessons that I had to go through from 2008-2010. God truly disciplines those He love, to make them the kind of person that He wants them to be for His glory.

2011 is fast approaching and I am looking forward to what God has planned for me, I will be facing Christmas and the new year with smile and confidence for God is already one by one answering my prayers.

You know what’s the best gift I’ve received this Christmas?

MOM IS CANCER FREE.

Thank you very much Lord!!!!! All the praise, honor and glory are yours……

Note: Thank you so much for all your love, support and most especially prayers. Mom, didn’t go through any chemo and radiation though she may still have her maintenance medication but at least the doctor has already cleared her. God used my mom's cancer for me to fully understand what grace truly, truly means; Mom is a living example of God’s mercy and grace. Please continue to include my mom in your prayer, may her cancer won't recur, please pray for our family's salvation, reconcillation and good health as well. Kung gusto nyo sama nyo na rin yung GB ko ; ) hehehe

May God truly bless each and every one of you. My mom's story is a testimony that God truly listens, just be patiently obedient and never give-up on Him even if everything seems to be so dark and gray.

Have a very Merry CHRISTmas and a blessed 2011!!!! I love you all! I LOVE YOU LORD!!!!!! THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!!!!!!