Christianity is not about transportation but it’s about TRANSFORMATION. God is in the business of transforming lives….
I am blessed to be part of Dr. Randy Dellosa’s 5 week life-coaching seminar not just because of the life coaching skills that he's imparting on us in order to reach out and help more people but as well as to the reminder of grace that I had when he made me a part in one of his training demo.
Last Saturday, he asked our group if there was anyone who attempted suicide or at least have thought of suicide at least once and to my surprise I was the only one who raised a hand.
3 ½ years ago, I almost committed suicide, weeks after I left my last corporate job, 2am I was driving around Makati-Mandaluyong bridge seriously thinking of hitting my car towards the railing with the hope that I would just fall in the river and die, if I remember it right, it took me quite a number of turns at the bridge island for I was looking for the right timing, ensuring that no stranger will be hurt and no car will be hit. I was crying profusely while driving, questioning God, I was deeply hurt, confused, lost and felt that I had no one else to turn to nor no one would understand, was tired of clichés, and useless words that didn’t make any sense to me. I was so full of myself then, I was only thinking of the pride that I can’t hold on to and the so-called corporate image that I created and lost, in my mind my corporate life was the only thing that I can call mine, I owned it, I worked hard for it and the only thing that can’t be taken away from me then I lost it….All I wanted was to die, so the pain would stop once my heart beats’ stops. But God had other plans for me…
Last Saturday, I went on a journey back to that part of my life, though I knew that it was just an exercise to demonstrate how the questions should be like when we do life-coaching but I wasn’t able to hold back, my voice cracked, I was shaking and tears started to fall…I can’t help but be reminded how lost I was, how alone I was, how empty I was, how lonely I was, I wore a mask, my life then was an epitome of worldly living….I was reminded how I allowed myself to be trapped with busyness, relationships, money, material things or anything that the world can offer just to fill my inner despondencies. I’ve been dead a long time ago....way before I even knew it.
Now, looking back, I can’t help but thank the Lord over and over and over again and even I was forced to be in bed yesterday due to my fever, I can’t help but feel the joy inside me, tears of joy were falling, copiously; And even if I feel really weak yesterday, I had to get up and ensure that I won’t miss the Sunday vesper worship for I wanted to praise and worship the Lord and just thank Him endlessly for all the works that He’ve done and will be doing in my life. My heart is truly, truly overwhelmed, tears were uncontrollably falling the whole time and I can’t help but say “Thank You, Lord, Thank you, Lord, Thank you, Lord, Thank You Lord for your Grace”.
I thank the Lord for changing my life, my views, my perspective and my whole being; Life is truly, truly simply wonderful! In spite of life’s constant adversities, I can’t help but feel this unfathomable joy and assurance that no matter what, I will never, ever be alone and His presence alone in my life is more than sufficient.
When Dr. Dellosa asked me as to how can I describe how I think and feel after everything that happened? I just gave him my most honest & heartfelt answer, “ I am joyful, for I am Saved by Grace”
Ephesians 2:8-9
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by good works, so that no one can boast
