Mom was diagnosed and operated
with almost Stage 4 breast cancer in 2010, declared cancer free in 2011 and
diagnosed again with cancer in April 2013.
Yes, you read it right, it was the first news I received when I woke up
yesterday morning (April 22).
I heard the news from my sister
in law who asked me not to say anything since my mom didn’t want me and my siblings
to know, she thinks that her condition will just be an added burden to us due to our current family and financial predicament.
I tried to ask questions from my mom about the lump on her right shoulder, with the hope that
she’ll eventually spill the beans but she refused to speak about it and due to
my persistence, she eventually lied by saying that she haven’t seen her doctor
yet. I told her that I have doctor
friends who could possibly check her but she just opted to keep quiet for a while and
changed the topic. Decided not to insist
anymore.
I spent my morning calling some friends asking for prayer, researching more about Ketogenic diet
etc.; in the afternoon, I felt my world just stopped spinning. I was just lying down as I prayed ‘til I fell
asleep; woke-up at almost 6pm then decided that I should not let this stop my
world and life has to move on as it should be.
Part of me wants to cry but part
of me seems to refuse it; no tears have fallen yet from me since yesterday but
my heart was like slashed into pieces, I am just glad that the Lord’s grace is
holding my heart so tight so I won’t have to fall. I do not exactly know yet the status of her
current C but as per my mom through my sister in law, the doctor said that
it has already spread out.
I refuse to entertain thoughts
that will just bring me to tears, thoughts that will just bring fear of what’s
next and produce doubt to the Lord. I knew that this time will eventually come
but I just didn’t realize that it’ll come this soon.
I’ll never know what lies ahead
of us, His plans for my mom and our family, I do not know how much more pain do I
need to bear as I walk on this journey but all I know is that I should just
trust God on every detail and in every millisecond of my life’s journey. Our
current writhe in life may or may not come out in a way I would always hope it
would but I just want keep on believing that God always knows what is best for
us all.
Lord, on my mom’s condition, I am
not giving up my hope that you will again allow her to heal but as hard it may
be for me to utter -- Lord, I am laying
her at your feet and fully surrendering her condition in your will. I must
admit, the unknown tomorrow is starting to bring fear in my heart and tears in
my eyes as I ask this to you Lord at this very moment, but help me to just trust
you, Lord….help me to just trust you no matter what…
Lord, just P-L-E-A-S-E promise me 4 things,
should your plan for her is the one that I am not hoping for, please promise me Lord, that you’ll give me time to express and say how much I truly love
her, she'll leave earth happy, don't let her suffer and should her time come, you’ll bring her only in your home -- HEAVEN.
To all those who took time to read this blog, I’d like to ask you to
please pray for my mom. Thank you very
much and may God truly bless you, all.
