About a year and a month ago mom was diagnosed with stage 3 (bordering to 4, according to the doctor) breast cancer, her right breast was taken out and was advised to go through chemo and radiation which would cost our family almost a million. It was almost about a month and a half month before Christmas then, it was so painful, the kind of pain that no one can do anything about; I remember my brother even told me then to already prepare myself for soon mom might bid the world goodbye….My wide dark glasses covered up the tears that was about to secretly fall.
It was the most painful Christmas for me, I felt so lost, never in my life that I had to face such pain….excruciating pain. I questioned God, why? That moment, I enumerated one by one to God all pain that He allowed me to go through –- can’t find work, no projects, got ONDOYed, unpaid bills, credit card collector harassment, living with a father who’s daily routine includes getting drunk and go on rage to lash out all his hang-ups on me and to my half-brother; With all such craziness happening I asked God “ano pa? ano pa ba?” I questioned God, I envied those people that I know whom I thought was being blessed in spite of their disobedience and blindness of God. Admittedly, for a time I isolated myself to almost everyone (including family)…all I wanted was to be alone or just to be with people whom I can to talk to about God and not the world.
It was a struggle to face mom at that time; every interaction was a tough act. I have to appear strong in spite of my inner struggles. I tried to be as normal, where normalcy in the family is defined as non-demonstrative, even if deep inside my heart was breaking to death and all I wanted to tell mom how much I love her dearly.
I am blessed to be surrounded with godly encouraging friends; friends who patiently listened to my cries, friends who encouraged me to have more faith and just trust God’s plan, friends who prayed not only for me but for my mom as well and for friends who always reminded me to always believe in the power of prayer during those times that I was in doubt, were more questions are found than answers and at the time when I was so tempted to give-up my faith.
2010 came, lot of things happened; some good, some bad. But all throughout the year by heart I learned to even have more faith even if I don’t see anything nor have anything to hold on to, even if tomorrow seems to be so black then, I just trusted God’s character, promises and faithfulness.
Last night, December 16, our d-groups’ Christmas party, during the evangelical message of our leader, he asked “what is the greatest gift you think have you ever received?” I got teary eyed, it reminded me how much God truly loves me, how blessed I am, for sometimes I forget the graces that He blessed me with because I sometimes tend to focus too much on the disturbances that the enemy is trying to create….shame on me.
God has given me and my family so much grace, things that I/we do not and will never deserve – our daily bread, provision for our monthly bills and the things that we need, work projects, Adrian, restoration of Diego, my brothers and sisters in Christ, great godly friends / acquaintances, my family, our good health….I do not have a perfect life but by God’s grace, He blessed me with everything that we need, He made me understand and appreciate by heart the simple and yet most important things in life through the lessons that I had to go through from 2008-2010. God truly disciplines those He love, to make them the kind of person that He wants them to be for His glory.
2011 is fast approaching and I am looking forward to what God has planned for me, I will be facing Christmas and the new year with smile and confidence for God is already one by one answering my prayers.
You know what’s the best gift I’ve received this Christmas?
MOM IS CANCER FREE.
Thank you very much Lord!!!!! All the praise, honor and glory are yours……
Note: Thank you so much for all your love, support and most especially prayers. Mom, didn’t go through any chemo and radiation though she may still have her maintenance medication but at least the doctor has already cleared her. God used my mom's cancer for me to fully understand what grace truly, truly means; Mom is a living example of God’s mercy and grace. Please continue to include my mom in your prayer, may her cancer won't recur, please pray for our family's salvation, reconcillation and good health as well. Kung gusto nyo sama nyo na rin yung GB ko ; ) hehehe
May God truly bless each and every one of you. My mom's story is a testimony that God truly listens, just be patiently obedient and never give-up on Him even if everything seems to be so dark and gray.
Have a very Merry CHRISTmas and a blessed 2011!!!! I love you all! I LOVE YOU LORD!!!!!! THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!!!!!!
