"Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
Growing up with my mom seems to be very challenging for me, 80 to 90% of my memory about her were those times where I am being physically and verbally abused whenever she’s mad about something that I did. I’m sure mom did a lot of things for me but funny cause the only heartfelt memory I had about her was the time that she fixed the collar of my uniform before I left home for school, I was like in grade 7 or 8 then. I never understood her, all I thought was she was always after me, her love language of discipline bruised my heart and soul more than my physical body, so much that it affected my behavior ‘til I became an adult without me realizing it. I felt unloved and unaccepted by the only mom that I knew.
My life had so much up and downs in search for the love that I thought I never had but when I met God, He revealed to me so much things that I’ve never seen nor realized and one of which was my mom’s love for me and how much I truly, truly love her. Sadly, I realized it in a painful way when time seems to be running out…
I received a news the other night that mom seemed to have lost her appetite and that she has a fever, it honestly brought a lot of fear in me for I am afraid that her cancer might already reached its worst stage. Mom has stage 3 breast cancer, one breast was removed last November 2009 but no further treatment was given to her for we cannot afford the chemo and radiation treatments plus the fact that we are all afraid that she might expire earlier than it should be. It’s been almost 8 months since then and I thank God for His grace that He kept mom alive and strong but in spite of it all I know that fear is just hiding in the core of my heart.
I wrote a letter for mom last night and I intend to give it this weekend, I poured my whole heart into it, for the first time I had to courage to tell her my vulnerability. I asked for forgiveness, for all my shortcomings and disobedience and for the times that I hurt her, I said sorry for not telling her face to face how much I truly love her. I can’t recall if there was a time that I actually told her how thankful I am to her for adopting me, for caring for me, for loving me and for treating me like her own. God made me realized that there may be a lot of unsaid sacrifices and uncried tears but mom chose to just be silent about it. I thank God for opening my eyes to what mom did and continuously doing for me, there may be several irritation and misunderstandings from the past and from time to time but the fact still remain that it all rooted because she loves me.
Lord, please give my mom and me more time to have a godly relationship. I know in the past 8 months I somehow remained to be the person that I was, a little tamed and better but somehow distant out of so much fear, fear of loosing her….Lord, I am deeply sorry!!! Please help me to have the boldness and the courage to show her how much I truly, truly love her, how much I cherish her and how much I truly care for her; Lord, at times that the enemy is trying to tear our relationship apart, please protect us and allow us to see each other through your eyes, let no disrespect exist at all cost no matter how painful it may become, let your love bridge us to have better understanding & compassion, help me not to dishonor my parents even at times of pain. Lord, please, allow our family be reconciled and have the time and opportunity to enjoy each others company as a whole family, worshipping and serving you Lord. Please make our family a living testimony that by your grace all things are possible…Lord, please comfort my heart, please heal my mom completely and please reconcile our family…Lord, I am begging for your mercy and grace, In Jesus name…
Mom, I love you so much and you may not have loved me the way I wanted but my heart knows that you have loved me and continuously loving me the best way you know how and for me that is more than enough.
Note: Please do include my mom (Natividad Marcelo) and our family in your prayer. Thank you and God bless
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